wolf? sheep? friend? foe?
Is this a pathetic set-up or a Wolf in Sheep’s clothing?
People back in Toronto are slowly starting to find out that I’m returning with my little guy, so its not surprising that I’m getting emails from friends telling me they cant wait to see us. Making plans to hang out, catch up and see just how much my little guy has grown. and one even asked me for a roll in the hay?? Really dude?
A few days ago via facebook, a friend of my ex-husband and I started to chit chatting about my return. Nothing major just about how good it will be to be back ‘home’ etc. I didnt think anything of it as he has always been a nice and respectful guy all the years that we have all known each other. He is aware of my separation with my ex, but we dont really talk about it. After many friendly private messages exchanged between us, I found the conversation was taking a weird turn.. then bam.. like a slimy, sleuth ninja this guy starts asking me about my favorite sex positions and how he would love to… well, you get the picture.
STFU
WTF!! At first I thought, “Ok, this guy just accidentally sent me this message that was intended for someone else” because I know this fool isnt talking to ME like this!|!! So I sent back a nervous LOL followed by a few HAHAs as I still wasnt sure if that message was intended for me…but then it started to dawn on me.. “Shit, he’s a good friend of my ex.. Is this a set up?” or “Is he that much of an asshole that he has to hit on his friends exwife? I just cant believe I have to deal with this sort of crap.
How about a little respect? I’m your friends ex, I spent 10 years with him, I’m the mother oh his son. Wow dude, simply pathetic. I haven’t spoken to this idiot since, and I don’t plan to.
I promised myself that I will not put myself in stupid situation like this and I wont. . This is something that wouldn’t even phase my ex, he doesn’t give a crap one way or the other, but I do. Whatever game this so called friend is playing, its pathetic and immature. If he turns out to be a back stabbing scum, then he is my ex’s problem and not mine.
I realize that not ALL men are like this, but this sure makes it real hard not to be disgusted in them. Sad that yet ANOTHER person I thought was somewhat of a ‘friend’ is actually a snake.
Haven’t seen you around for quite some time now. I hope all is well with you. Drop in sometime and let us know how you are doing.
Cecelia
I was just thinking the same thing. I hope all is well with PM …
Hello Girl,
…hope everything is ok!
I keep checking your blog whenever I want some good wise words and no new posts
Take care and keep that good spirit up!
C’est la vie! This is what you get when you deal with people,I always tell myself that when I’m in shock by the reality of someone who I considered a friend. But hey,it’s not the end of the world. In the future,try to set limits and boundaries so that perverts can hardly approach you,like a filtering system you know.
thanks for telling us about this. our road can b very lonely otherwise. keep on.
Weed out the losers as you go, it’s all you can do xoxo
Your EX would care! Very much so I think! More than you may ever think!
why would he even care?
It is sad – There seems to always someone looking to take advantage of other peoples problems though it’s usually shops and businesses rather than personal friends. I think that the more people come to use electronic means to socialise the less they are aware of the feelings of the person they are talking to. Perhaps it’s time to walk away from Facebook and meet people face to face in a bar or restaurant. I can’t believe this guy went down that road in electronic mail – I’m disgusted.
Try to move on. Stay focused on the move and your child and hang out with people you know you can trust. I’m sorry this happened. What a jerk.
Something similar happened to me a couple of weeks ago, except it was in person and scared the crap out of me.
More than once on my blog, I have mentioned a friend of mine that I met in my depression group. When I first met her my husband and I were still together, and her house is almost across the road from where I used to live.
Several times, what I have gone up to the Georgia mountains in order to attend my group and or see my psychiatrist I stayed at her house. I could set my grandmother’s house, whose address I use as my place of residence, but it is nice just to hang out with a real friend. Because she has her own mental health issues I always found it very relaxing to hang out with her because I never had to explain myself.
She happens to live on the same property that her parents do, but in a separate house. Recently, her parents built a new house on the property, she moved out of her house – I believe it was to become a rental house – and moved into her parents old house. When I was up there the other day, she and her roommate were in the process of making that move. My friend had one of her friends over in order to do the heavy lifting – he was male. Her father also was helping a great deal.
I had spent the night with my friend the night before, and we got up and went to group together. It is not unusual to see her father all over the place on the property. He raises goats, chickens, pigs, and maybe even a cow or two. Because the property is very large, the animals have nice little pens all over the place. Whenever I saw her father, I spoke to him. He seemed like a very nice man.
After my friend and I got back from group, she went back to moving her stuff, and because I was having a problem with swelling in my feet I did my best to keep them propped up. At one point however, I had to run across the road to my old house and pick up a copy of my 2009 tax return. I needed it for the financial aid for school. My friend’s dad asked if he go with me. I did not think anything about it – he knows how not nice my husband has been – because I assumed he was doing something my dad would do, going with me to make sure I was safe.
My husband wasn’t at home, however my daughter was, and she gave me the paperwork I needed. My friend’s dad didn’t stay for very long – he had to go get some chicken feed. When he got back, I asked to see his baby chicks. While I was down there looking at them, he seemed very concerned that my daughter would tell someone that he had come down there with me. Living in the South, I assumed his concern was over the fact that it might appear “not quite right” to someone who might not know that he was trying to look out for me. To be honest, his asking to accompany me to get that paperwork is something my dad would have done with any woman he thought might not be putting herself in the safest of positions. As a result, I did not see anything wrong with him coming down there with me.
When he got back he seemed to be spending a lot of time around, I just figured he was going to help with the move. What I did not realize at the time, is that he was engineering situations where he and I would be alone together. Whenever he was around, I talked with him like I normally would.
In the late afternoon, he did more than make a pass at me. That is all the details I want to give, but what he did was very very bad. To make it worse, his wife was in their house 200 to 300 yards away, and his daughter was in her house. When he did what he did, it dawned on me the reason he wanted to go down to my old house with me when I got the papers, is he thought no one was going to be home. I think his plan was to get me alone there, where no one could hear me if I called for help. Since my daughter was home at the time, his plan did not work. I also realized, all those other times that I had been alone with him he had set it up that way.
I was so shocked when he did what he did, I had no clue as to how to respond. Basically, I said what I needed to so I could get myself to a safe place. I went and sat in my car until he got bored with waiting for me and wandered off. After that, I went inside my friend’s house and told her what happened. To my dismay, she told me this was not the first time that it had happened.
Apparently, she went and spoke with him and told him he needed to apologize. After that, he kept trying to get me alone again – always starting off with I want to say I am sorry. I never gave him a chance to apologize. In fact, when I was putting my stuff in my car he started to try to apologize again, and I told my friend I had no interest in hearing her father apologize. He was apologizing to keep anyone from telling his wife, or anyone else for that matter. He was not apologizing for how he made me feel, or for what he did.
I feel very violated. I feel very unsafe at her house. I am pretty convinced that if he had truly been able to get me alone at my old house, or somewhere on his property, he would not have taken no for an answer.
I told my friend that I could never go to her house again. I don’t feel safe there at all. Especially knowing that her father does not really regret what he did.
I do not want to lose her friendship, I know what happened is not her fault, but things can never be the same. She obviously knew that her father was capable of extremely extremely bad behavior, and did not take the time to warn me. Not knowing where her father will pop up also makes me very uncomfortable. Uncomfortable is not the right word, unsafe is a better word.
I am trying to not let my mind wander to thoughts of what could have happened, and am trying to focus on the fact that it did not happen.
I decided not to do any of this on my blog. My friend reads the blog, and even if I didn’t mention her or her father’s name I think it would be awful for her to read about it there. She’s not as far along in her depression treatment as I am, and I think posting about this incident could be emotionally traumatizing to her.
There is always one in every crowd. Sometimes more than one!
I think that’s pretty good evidence that some men are born different, a strange biological twist that results in the brain growing not in the skull but in the willy!
Social media can be a real pain sometimes.
tell me about it. this clown would never say this to my face.
I don’t know what to say really except that he’s an ass! . . . And you deserve a lot better from your “friends”!
Sex is the last distraction in your spiritual journey, this is only a test do not ajust you dial…
exactly. sex isnt even on my radar. but im appalled that this creep thinks its ok to speak to me like this now that me and my ex are done.
Honestly, PM, I think these are just the dying gasps of your past. You are right to stay firmly resolved in your new way of living and stick to your guns. I don’t think all your friends (or even most of them) are waiting to stab you in the back. No matter what this schmuck is trying to do, it can’t touch you anymore. That’s your ex’s life now.
Just remember – you rock and you have dozens of online friends who will attest to that!
*hug*
im really hurt that he would think that its ok to speak to me like that.
who the hell does he think i am?
he didnt have the balls to say this to me before, my ex would have probably knocked him out.
but now that im single, he thinks its ok for me to be talked to like that?
What a jerk! The bad news is that you will have to deal with scum like this for a while. The good news is that not all men are like him, and if you hold to your values, the good guys will start knocking on your door. At least that was my experience. May only good come your way as you move forward.
I sure hope you’re right Cecelia. I am so disgusted by this whole thing. Ive been dealing with these jerks all my life. Im tired of it. Now being single after 10 years, this is what I have to face? NO THANKS.
He sounds like an asshole. Avoid at all costs.
omg i still cant get over this.
i thought he as my friend… what a jerk…
yes, hes cut off.