Well its been roughly one year since I embarked on this hellish nightmare .. After one year of questions as to WHY? WHY? WHY? did this shit happen, I’m now slowly starting to see things for what they really really are..
Last November, never in a million years would I have imagined my life without ‘him‘ and our amazing little family, but today, I am so grateful to have walked away from such a toxic relationship and the evil man I sadly once loved. Not to say I walked away unscathed, there are definitely still some wounds, but I’m alive and I’m healthy! Both physically and mentally, I’m better than I have been in 10 years… coincidence? I think not.
I now realize that I deserve better than what I had settled for. Being in a relationship with a pathological liar, a thief, a cheater, a sex addict and an egocentric, selfish, stingy man sure was tiring. It was more of a full-time job! It did a number on my self esteem and my sanity. From hiding money from us, his family, for his own selfish reasons, to having woman after woman on the side… sure, some years where better than others, I think he went 1 whole year without cheating, but the damage was done with the 1st woman he bedded behind my back, and I SHOULD HAVE WALKED AWAY… He is now somebody else’s problem, and heartache. Not mine. Its incredible to see how the tables have turned…. I’m not here dragging his ‘good name’ through the mud, I’m simply recounting my life with him and how things where.
With the bad came the good though, he was charismatic and knew exactly what to say! When he got desperate, he knew exactly what to say to get me to stay or take him back, but he was always plotting, sometimes with the help of his own family… there was always something there. His lies where more elaborate than his last and sometimes I would sit back and say “wow, Is this guy serious?” but for whatever reason, I stayed, was it for the incredible sex we had? being comfortable and used to eachother? I think I stayed mostly for our son and for all that we had built together, it just seemed easier to put up with him than to start all over. Which brings me to where I am now… starting ALL OVER, happily, starting over!!
My son and I have embraced a new life in Western Ontario, Canada… away from the big overloaded and hectic city of Toronto. We live in a wonderful small town where we have adapted quite nicely. Meeting new people every single day. we are involved in many community activities and I’m still a yoga fanatic! I practice 4 times a week and owe everything to the teachings that have made such a huge impact in my life.
My little guy is now enrolled in Junior Kindergarten and I’m a full-time college student (ha! after all these years!)
We live in a quaint little two-bedroom townhouse and have had so much fun painting and decorating our home and make it perfect for us. I have an amazing support team behind me and people that love us and care about us. That is so important to me, especially after being in a black hole for so long believing that no one ever cared. I was mistaken.
I am medication free, and for the most part stress free. I wish I could say I’m 100% panic free, but I’m not. I know that slowly it will all be behind me, like most of the shit I have been through. I certainly can control and handle them much better than I did last year, and they only come once in a while, ironically, when “he” is involved. I am no longer plagued with horrific nightmares and disturbing thoughts of my past, I feel so clear now I try to stay positive and surround myself with positive people as much as I can. When something just isn’t to my taste, I just simply walk away. I refuse to complicate my life. Been there, done that.
I survived. I love my life. I am grateful for this second chance to make it right for me and my little family <3