About The Monster

This is me ❀



63 Responses to “About The Monster”

  1. noobcake May 18, 2011 at 5:06 AM #

    Excellent blog! I’m glad Redneck Princess recommended it! You sure have had a bizarre and interesting life, you could fill several books, not just one, with your experiences. I love your up front and fresh honesty. I’ve only read a few of your posts and I’m already a fan!

  2. Myke Macapinlac May 17, 2011 at 5:35 PM #

    Love your blog! Thanks for checking out mine too πŸ™‚

  3. Kemi May 16, 2011 at 3:43 PM #

    May you discover the fun girl in you! Although you sound lovely anyway :). Fantastic, honest blog. K

  4. The Quiet Borderline May 11, 2011 at 2:01 AM #

    Great blog. I am really enjoying reading it.

    I also have been diagnosed with BPD and am blogging my progress and daily life also.

    I look forward to reading more!

    The Quiet Borderline

  5. Redneckprincess May 10, 2011 at 9:21 AM #

    Hey girl…I just realized that I haven’t been here in forever and I have no idea why. I suck. I have subscribed (thought I did that ages ago, apparently NOT) and I will be back often, you have a great blog…I can totally FEEL everything that you write. xoxo

  6. rhondaboyle May 6, 2011 at 10:27 PM #

    I’m sorry for your struggles. I’ve had my fair share. One thing that has truly helped me was this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ANbl_P_303U. Hope you find some value in it. God’s peace, Rhonda

  7. ...now and forever yours May 6, 2011 at 10:42 AM #

    It is amazing the desire and determination you have to overcome your issues and I am sure that recognizing them is already a big step in your recovery…I applaude you for your effort and you have become a model to me…you show us people that when everything falls apart we just have to keep fighting to get back on our feet…just wooow…
    And thank you for stopping by at our blog.
    XoXo The Girlfriend from

  8. intheenicoftime May 6, 2011 at 8:29 AM #

    “Strong” and “courageous” are just a couple of words that come to mind after reading your story, PM. Glad to hear that sharing your story brings you comfort and is therapeutic for you. Just think of how many people will read this and seek the help they need, knowing that there are better and brighter days ahead πŸ™‚
    Blessings to you!

  9. nolanmike May 6, 2011 at 2:35 AM #

    Thanks for your blog post, you’re one hell of a gal and worth your weight in unobtanium.

    You have inspired me to be a better man, not because im a monster, just because I’m not perfect and should try harder, thank you.

  10. gtrleyshon May 5, 2011 at 3:59 PM #

    Hey, thanks for calling in on my blog. I just wanted to echo pretty much everything that all these other lovely people have said. Everyone has their problems and stuff to deal with, but you sound like you’ve been dealt more thna your fair share of crap in life, and I admire you for being able to drag yourself up from the bottom. Never give up! Eat well, keep up the exercise, and keep writing!! I’ll be calling back here too so you’d better make sure you do!!!

  11. Fr Matthew Green May 5, 2011 at 6:03 AM #

    Thanks for your comment on my blog! I just read through this “about” page, and I’m impressed by the way you keep fighting to overcome adversity. You’ve certainly had a rough life. You can count on my prayers for you!

  12. dorisrudddesigns May 5, 2011 at 5:57 AM #

    Thank you for stopping by my blog and taking the time to leave a comment. I wish you well in journey and it sounds like you are on the right track.

  13. dlfields May 2, 2011 at 3:20 PM #

    You’re not a nobody. Every person has something to offer the rest of humanity.
    Thanks for stopping by my blog, see you again soon!
    Take care of yourself.

  14. My English Thoughts May 1, 2011 at 8:51 AM #

    Hello !! You’re not a monster or in a kind of way, we are all monsters πŸ˜‰
    Keep writing as long that you like it and that you know it makes you feel better ! That’s a great therapy ( if I can say ! )

  15. The T April 30, 2011 at 10:04 AM #

    My turn… I’m reading all about you…I have none of the problems that you have. I count myself lucky…however i’m a firm believer in the power of positive thinking…

    Most importantly, I’m studying the dating habits of females after life with another person. I’m looking at the post mortem of what happened and how they heal. You see, the only thing wrong with me is that my heart is broken…and I’m not always able to find my way free of the chains that bind me to the situation and I’m bloggin and researching to find sanctuary. After reading more about you, I’m interested in what makes you tick…what motivates you and what puts you back on solid ground…

    You seem very strong…and there’s a face to go with those words…you’re beautiful!


  16. Jenny J. Talam April 29, 2011 at 10:11 PM #

    Hello PM! πŸ™‚

    Thank you for reading and commenting on my post, Thoughts on the Royal Wedding. I believe the replay of the wedding ceremony is broadcast in so many websites such as Yahoo! and BBC News so I hope you do get to watch them. πŸ˜€

    I want to share with you this site which I hope and pray would lead you to the loving God Who wants to fill your heart with joy and peace amidst the problems you have faced and continue to surround you. You are not alone, and if you ever feel like one today, you don’t have to stay that way. :> I have heard and witnessed so many stories just almost like yours of victims of abuse and they have miraculously recovered (and now live wonderful lives) because of Jesus Christ.

    God bless you!
    Here’s the site: http://www.ccf.org.ph/gods-way-to-heaven/

  17. Jim Blockey April 29, 2011 at 11:43 AM #

    Thank you for taking the time to read my post “Fix the problem not the blame” on my blog educationalknowledge.wordpress.com
    I really appreciate it.


  18. frizztext April 27, 2011 at 10:22 AM #

    greetings by
    about personality disorder …

  19. laylady April 26, 2011 at 8:50 AM #

    Why hello PM.
    After reading through some of your blog and your About The Panic Monster section – I had to respond.
    I suffer from PTSD – anxiety and a current stuffy nose too. πŸ™‚ lol
    For the longest time I had anxiety about having anxiety and what people would think so I also, like everything else, stuffed it down inside and didn’t tell really anyone. I was terrified I’d be labeled crazy, philosophically surreal, unbalanced and someone who doesn’t make any sense at all.
    The best thing you did for yourself was let it out in any form! Anger – anxiety – depression – trauma – pain – fear – are all common emotions/reactions. It’s what you do with them that count!
    I came to a revolution – a freeing conclusion rather – that it’s perfectly ok to be a little bit crazy! That it’s ok to have a panic monster.
    There’s a lot of weird things on this planet. I too have been in the healing process for a long time and am at a very good-healthy place now.
    I let my panic monster come out during sports games where I get to yell and shout at the goalie or when I’m driving in the car and Lady Gaga pumps on the radio. I let it come out loud and clear when I’m painting and coloring. Or when I beep my horn at old ladies driving because it’s funny.
    My guitar strings would tell you that it’s really intimidated by it. πŸ™‚ My drum sticks would tell you I’ve stressed them out.
    I let it come out in the woods when I’m hiking for the day, I take it out on my feet by running. I throw sand at the beach for when there’s just no words.
    Just don’t ever forget that life is truly what you make it. Writing blogs is wonderful and a good place to put it but don’t forget there’s a whole bunch of people out there who care – even if we’re not there throwing sand with you. And there’s so many ways to overcome everything. You’re a wonderful person so you’re ahead of most people who don’t even have an active monster. πŸ˜›
    β€œThe only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn, like fabulous yellow roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars ” -Jack Kerouac

  20. Sandra Bell Kirchman April 25, 2011 at 5:00 PM #

    Well, PM, you’ve done it again. Terrific update and a great pile of information. I can so relate to some of the areas in your life and this just clarifies more of the same. You are an extraordinary woman. I just bet your life would make a great novel or memoir. With your style of honest and forthright writing, I bet you could sell it. Heck, I’m a very very very small publisher… I’d publish it πŸ™‚ Unfortunately, no advances from me though. But maybe a big-time publisher would.

    Just through your blog I am becoming very fond of you. I feel I have known you for a long time and have been cheering you on for decades. I know it didn’t take that long, but it’s the time feeling that seems real.

    Your four-year-old boy, for one, will be so grateful that you didn’t drag him with you into chaos and eventual oblivion. You have done such a fantastic job. Keep up the grand work. *hug*

    • PanicMonster April 27, 2011 at 11:59 AM #

      Thank you so much Sandra. I love your feed back. It really means a lot to me. You have been been so supportive. Thank you. I think you and i are soul mate friends!!! lol

  21. Julie April 15, 2011 at 8:16 PM #

    You are multiple breaths of fresh air. My words cannot express. Do you mind my asking how you have faced agoraphobia? I think I have more than a touch of it. Maybe the worst thing for me is the shame that comes with feeling so weird and different and weak. The fun things that others do and the things that others do for relaxation are the last things I would think of doing. Thanks for your sharing and your example.

  22. Tony McGurk April 7, 2011 at 4:19 AM #

    I can kinda relate to what you experience with those symptoms as I suffer from Generalised Anxiety Disorder & have panic attacks too. Although I don’t have it as bad as what you described anymore. It used to be bad several years ago. The worst thing is that it’s always there lurking & you never quite know when it will rear it’s ugly head. I hate it. Although I think the mental pills improve my post writing & cartooning ability…

  23. Redneckprincess March 28, 2011 at 9:12 AM #

    Amazing story, you should be so proud of yourself!! It is amazing when one part of the puzzle πŸ™‚ is removed how things can change isn’t it? I am glad you visited my blog, I will be back to visit yours πŸ™‚

  24. Redneckprincess March 28, 2011 at 9:12 AM #

    Amazing story, you should be so proud of yourself!! It is amazing when on part of the puzzle πŸ™‚ is removed how things can change isn’t it? I am glad you visited my blog, I will be back to visit yours πŸ™‚

  25. Sandra Bell Kirchman March 19, 2011 at 12:13 PM #

    Good for you, PM. I see you are making your contribution to the world, just by being you and sharing it.

    Since you have overcome so much, I was thinking that maybe you should change your name…Panicmonster…you no longer are one. Then I see that so many like the name and relate to it. So there ya go.

    You have accomplished lots in such a short time. It must have been one heckuva battle. Glad you came out on the winner’s side. πŸ™‚

    • PanicMonster March 20, 2011 at 1:08 PM #

      thank you for your kind words. its been a crazy ride, these past 12 months have been exhausting. im just glad i have regained some control of my life back, but i did lose a lot in order to get where i am.
      i thought about changing panicmonster… im still not sure yet… i think i will always have a little panicmonster deep inside of me. lol

  26. Yor Ryeter January 20, 2011 at 12:10 PM #

    Love your updates on your life πŸ™‚

    Enjoy being healthy & happy β™₯ Buddhism seems a very interesting teaching. Keep the morning run, I used to do that and I love it. I hope I’ll try yoga one day too πŸ˜€

  27. Jaclyn Rae January 18, 2011 at 1:14 PM #

    I wish you all the love and joy in the world.

  28. fengirl January 7, 2011 at 5:24 AM #

    Hello, love the name! panic monster is a pain in the butt lol
    I to decided to start a blog on my new journey, even if no one reads it, it helps to see my progress.
    Anyway feelings of un-reality….this is my biggest fear from a panic attack coming, how do you deal with this feeling? I’ve not met many that understand the feeling of de-realization!

  29. Nat January 6, 2011 at 9:07 PM #

    ive been reading for sometime. found you on twitter.
    you have an incredible story.
    please dont stop writing. you inspire us and it helps you heal.

  30. Caroline January 3, 2011 at 3:13 AM #

    Well done you. Keep going and keep writing – it helps loads.

  31. Anonymous December 11, 2010 at 5:00 AM #

    hey panic monster, how u been? it’s coming to the end of the year already.

    I seriously think you are an over-comer. Keep standing strong =)

    • panicmonster December 14, 2010 at 8:42 PM #

      You are right. I feel so focused. I see the light at the end of the tunnel. finally!!

      • dance3me December 14, 2010 at 9:38 PM #

        so glad to hear that you are doing well. Really glad that you are living healthy.

      • panicmonster December 14, 2010 at 10:47 PM #

        sadly, most of what i was feeling and all the turmoil in my life was coming from my relationship. a very toxic relationship.
        since the day we separated… its as though i can see clear again. i feel so much better

  32. Just ME!! October 21, 2010 at 2:38 AM #

    Crazy/normal me say i luv ya!! Just be you, find your comfort zone, find what you need and you will be soooooo fine!! Trust me!! Dancin up a storm and rootin for ya!

  33. trailerparkbarbie October 9, 2010 at 7:08 PM #

    panicmonster….We’ve crossed paths from time to time at mutual friends’ blogs. I wish that I had come here and read this sooner. I don’t think that you realize how much you are helping other people with problems….bipolar,depression,panic attacks, anxiety, etc. Knowing that there is a real person with problems writing this blog is good therapy for many of us. I hope that you are doing well and will keep writing! You have many kindred souls out there and perhaps this will encourage more to put their feelings into words. I know that it helps me to get all of the stuff out of my head and be able to look at it in written form. Also, it helps unclutter my brain which is constantly full of racing thoughts and chaos. Thank you for being so honest and open about your life. Ya never know when a person might read this and indentify with you and realize that they are not alone. Keep writing!

    • panicmonster December 10, 2010 at 12:34 PM #

      i think about you alot.
      you were there with me through my darkest hours. thank you
      i love your posts please dont leave me 😦

  34. Annika October 5, 2010 at 6:37 PM #

    Heya Panic Monster,

    I’m so glad I found your blog. I’ve got panic disorder too (as well as bipolar). It hit in 2006. Back then it was fully blown Panic Disorder with Agoraphobia. I’d have a fully blown panic attack just walking to my mailbox. Now I’ve still got bipolar but after years of fighting and treatment I’ve managed to get back to just Panic Disorder without the agoraphobia. Although it’s a constant fight making sure that I don’t fall back in.

    It’s so wonderful to find a blog where I can just read and know exactly what you’re talking about.

    Check out my blog if you like. http://www.somenotesfromthetrenches.wordpress.com

    Keep fighting. I know the struggle and I’m rooting for you.

  35. ReadersHeaven September 27, 2010 at 10:14 AM #

    Hi, nice to meet you !

  36. The Simple Life of a Country Man's Wife September 21, 2010 at 11:07 PM #

    Hey Girl! Just wanted to drop by and saying keep up the good work and God bless!

  37. Trish September 20, 2010 at 7:16 AM #

    Hello, I’ve followed you back from the comment you left at my blog (thanks again), The Readerless Writer. I’ve just recently started exploring the world of anxiety disorders as my teenage daughter seems to be skirting the edge with mild panic attacks, nightmares and insomnia. We are hoping that supporting her now will help reduce anything that may be waiting for her in the future… I’m glad you’re writing this blog, having an outlet is a wonderful thing and readers get to see that they are perhaps not as alone in their experiences as it sometimes must feel. Sharing the world with each other, the good and the not so good parts of it, is what we all need to do more of.
    Regards, Trish

  38. worldfromthisangle September 14, 2010 at 6:18 PM #

    Keep going, no matter what!

    What you have to say is important…don’t forget that:)

    • panicmonster September 14, 2010 at 9:01 PM #

      thank you so much for the kind words ❀

  39. prettyinpink September 14, 2010 at 4:01 PM #

    hey! here it is: stiletto

    thanks so much for your comment btw, it means a lot!
    i love your template too! lol

    • panicmonster September 15, 2010 at 7:00 PM #

      Great! Thank you, I will check it out.
      cant wait to read some more.

  40. oneraisondetre September 7, 2010 at 4:02 PM #

    Hello – Just found my way here..thank you for the kind comments you left on my blog. Looking forward to getting to know you…lots of reading to do. πŸ™‚

    xo One

    • panicmonster September 13, 2010 at 6:48 PM #

      Thank you so much or visiting πŸ™‚

  41. Michelle September 5, 2010 at 9:02 AM #

    Hello Panicmonster (love the name!)

    I just wanted to let you know that I have been through CBT and it helped immensely.
    I kept a journal and shared it with my therapist. Now I use excerpts from that journal in my blog.
    When I started therapy I didn’t even know what “anxiety disorder” was; I thought I was just going crazy.
    Writing can be a therapeutic way to recovery. Hang in there.

    • panicmonster September 13, 2010 at 8:50 PM #

      Writing is my life.
      I cannot go more than a day or two without jotting down my thoughts.

  42. Cheri August 31, 2010 at 3:17 PM #

    Hi Panic Monster,

    I found your site through One Pill’s blog. I applaud your recovery efforts!

    My husband and I have a 23-year-old son who used Oxycontin, as well as Ecstasy, marijuana, cocaine, alcohol… He just made his fourth year of sobriety this past June. Our oldest son (almost 30) also struggles with drugs and alcohol. My mom was an alcoholic, as well as her parents. I know the pain addiction causes for people, and my husband and I have a heart to pray for those affected by its tentacles in their lives.

    I’ve not been raped or physically abused, but I did deal with some verbal abuse and molestation, so I can appreciate how those experiences shape the people we become, robbing us of emotional security and peace.

    God gave my husband and me an idea to start what we call Glass House Ministries, a place where people can find hope and encouragement and be prayed for. We’d love to add you to those we pray for, if you would give us that privilege. Here’s a couple links to give you a better idea of who we are:



    You are in our prayers,
    Cheri and Wayne

    • panicmonster September 3, 2010 at 7:32 AM #

      Wow!!! Thank you so much for sharing your website with me, Its a beautiful site with great information and spiritual insight πŸ™‚

      I have wonderful faith in my lord and Saviour and I’m confident that he will get me through these dark storms.
      Ive put my faith in his hands and Im letting him guide me.

      Thank u so much for visiting my site xoxox

      • Cheri September 6, 2010 at 9:53 PM #

        You’re welcome, PM! Know you are in our prayers, and please do not hesitate to contact us for specific requests. You can contact me at cheri@cherihardaway.com


  43. dance3me August 26, 2010 at 11:49 PM #

    Hey, since the day you left a comment on my blog.. i started reading a little about what you blog.

    1st, want to applaud you for being open, and i think you are an over-comer =)

    I thought about you, and at times a little concern. I hope you are okay. Do not think that you are no body. =)

    • panicmonster August 28, 2010 at 1:35 PM #

      Thank you so much for visiting πŸ™‚
      My blog is like my Dear Diary… I hold nothing back.. and I feel awesome afterwards. It started out as part of my therapy to allow me to expose myself since my panic disorder was something I had not shared with anyone. Its helping me so much xoxox

      I go through so many ups and downs in a single week, and perhaps I can come across as a psycho 😦 but Im not… thats just the way things are. lol.
      thank you so much for your kind words.
      Hope you stop by again =)

  44. onepillawayfromchaos August 23, 2010 at 3:15 PM #

    So nice to meet you. I applaud you for overcoming your drug addiction and escaping abuse. Keep working on you. πŸ™‚

    • panicmonster August 26, 2010 at 1:03 PM #

      thank you ❀
      it hasnt been easy… but well worth it

  45. Lori @ RRSAHM August 15, 2010 at 6:22 AM #

    Very pleased to meet you πŸ™‚

  46. sunflowerinn July 18, 2010 at 10:22 PM #

    I am glad that I found your blog post on WordPress. I am new to this so I thought that I would gaze around a bit and see what I would end up with. I also have panic attacks, with Bipolar. Very new to the panic part and struggling to keep it in tow. It’s hard for me to hear others who have similar situations because I wouldn’t want anyone to go through what I do. Thanks for venting so others can learn. ~sunflowerinn

  47. patientanonymous July 15, 2010 at 11:05 AM #

    Hi there. I just thought I’d pop by and say thank you very much for adding me to your blogroll. I’m always very flattered when people do so. I’ll Bookmark you now so I can come back and have a better look around. Although, my blog reading has been abysmal for so long. I am so out of the loop with everyone!

    Also, just to note, I certainly know what anxiety feels like, but I’d never experienced Agoraphobia until my sixth hospitalization. It was very strange (despite it not feeling so great!)

    However, what I mean to say is that it was something so different and new. Something completely outside of all the other crazy things I was already all too familiar with.

    I don’t know if it was that severe, but it took several days for me to even leave the hospital grounds for a short walk. It was only a couple of blocks to go for tea with a friend I had met on the floor. I think it took me two days just to be able to walk to the street side at the end of the hospital grounds! Yes.

    I have no clue where all of that came from, and/or why I ended up feeling that way. I never have before. Quite odd. Quite.

    Take care,


  1. Website Update… « panicmonster.com - April 25, 2011

    […] About The Monster […]

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